Fitting In: Balancing Work, School, and God

An About Me Introduction

Let’s get this straight. I am not the perfect Christian, and I am by far not the best photographer to ever walk this earth. I don’t attend church every Sunday, and for being a Biblical Studies/ Theology major, I am defiantly not the best student. I turn in work late, I have bad habits, I enjoy a glass of wine. I’m a sinner, and I know that. However I do all I can to glorify the Lord in all I do.

Let’s take this back to the beginning of my life. When I was born my dad went to his backyard, Lion King Simba style raised me into the air, and offered me up to the Lord. Ever since then my life has been a constant battle between good and evil, but whose life isn’t. I will be straight up and honest with you, I struggled with suicidal thoughts and actions through my youth, yearned for death, blamed God for my pain, and drank. A lot. I drank so much at one point in my life I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep and never wake up.  After all I was having fun, and best of all I fit in. I denied anything was wrong with me, but God had a different plan, a more perfect plan.

I'm only telling you this back history so you know that I too have and had my own personal demons just like everyone else.

I struggled to find my faith, myself, and my part in this life. I was once a Catholic, converted to Christianity, and as of lately found my place and beliefs as a Messianic Jew. As you can see by my movement through religious affiliations, I am not here to judge you for what religion you choose to follow. Religion didn’t make a mark for quite some time anyways. Hard to believe that Adam and Eve, Abraham, and a lot of the people we hear about in the Old Testament were not part of any religion, but it’s true. Anywhoo, I am not here to bring up a religious argument on whether or not Abraham was Jewish. I am here to show you how I found my path in life.

I have always been interested in photography, but it was always such an expensive art to get into. I usually settled for my phone or a point and shoot to please my passion. Also, everyone I knew in high school, grew up to become a photographer. I wanted to be different, so I became a cake decorator. Well that passion died, and my passion for photography still burned inside me. I picked up my first DSLR as a gift from my boyfriend for my birthday almost a year ago. It was hard at first. I struggled to fit in with all the seasoned photographers and some that I thought were my friends went on to slander my name, and try to degrade my business. However my skin was thick, my ethics were strong, and my intentions remained good, so I said nothing back and moved on. 

Around the same time I also began school at CCU in Colorado Springs. I took on a very challenging degree but felt called to it. Everyone who knew me in the past laughed when I mention my degree was is in Biblical Studies and Theology. Partially because I was such a wild child/adult in my early 20’s. I don’t mind them laughing, I love studying religion, I love glorifying God, but now I don’t fit in. I mean come on, I am a photographer perusing a theology degree, I jump at the moment to talk about God, Scripture, Religion and Photos, sometimes I cant stop because I love it so much... how different can those two fields be? Come to find out not so different at all.

It’s been almost a year since I have been photographing people as a profession, and I am now finding myself busier than ever. My life has become a balancing act. I have moved from Colorado to Rapid City South Dakota, and from South Dakota to Nebraska, and now in a month I will be moving again. It’s been hard to balance school and life, let alone finding a way to bring God into all of this as well. Funny how the one most important thing in my life is the one thing I couldn't find time for.  I pray every night, I know the Bible from beginning to end, I thank God for all the good times, but I just couldn’t seem to find Him in my work anymore, I felt like I was loosing Him, the one thing that completed me, saved me, listened to me, was drifting from me, and work was paying the bills, right?. So this is when I decided to drop out of college and go full time with photography… or that’s what I thought.

I told a few trusted togs that I was going to drop out, and they were not happy with that choice. After a very long talk with a few of them I was inspired to take a different approach to what I do. And quite honestly instead of me finding a perfect balance the perfect balance found me. They advised me to start a blog, maybe journal a few of my struggles, and use my photography to document them. God used them to bring me back to Him! It was a brilliant idea, and now here I am. Still in school, still doing photography and have found a way to incorporate my faith, my God and my degree into doing what I was called to do. Just when I thought I couldn't find God, He found me! This sparked a new passion in me, a will to pursue something so challenging, yet so fulfilling. I have only just begun, yet I am happier than I have ever been. And I now can say I have found my perfect balance, all while bringing glory to a perfect God.

I am not here to convert you, to tell you who and what to believe, or to shame you. Just merely to tell you a little about my life story and share some of my work. Some of you will hate this blog, some will laugh at it, and some may enjoy it. It’s not a how to, or a why I am so perfect at what I do, or why you should seek faith. It’s just the beginning of a journal that tells the world, when you are struggling to find a way in life, keep going, pursue your passion, and never give up. You never know when your way will actually find you.

 

Above: A self portrait I named: "Glorify"